Austin was tiny. The kind of tiny you can’t really comprehend unless you’ve felt it. 2 pounds 11 ounces is just words until you realize that this teddy bear, that is no taller than the willow tree figurine it sits next to, was almost the same size as him. Most of the time I forget how small he was, because at the time he was my only baby, I didn’t think about it much until I had Chantry. We are told constantly about our tiny little girl, born at 6 pounds 15 ounces. She’s in the second percentile and everyones always asking about her weight or how old she is since she’s so advanced, but so tiny.
She seemed like a giant to me. Even now as she sleeps (finally) I am in awe of the fact that that she is tall enough to pull anything off the coffee table she wants to. she stands and laughs and when she wants to get somewhere really fast she crawls like the wind.
I miss him every single day, and Chantry still seems like a dream most days. It’s a dance really, going around the missing and the dreaming and the what ifs and the “just keep living”.
Maybe it’s all becoming too redundant to you, three years since I began writing here, and I don’t have any new memories to share about him, because the memories with him ended in May, 2015. But writing makes me feel like he’s still a part of this, because he’s a part of my every day. I hope sometimes he’s a part of yours.